We look for a resonance and we look for qualities important to us. The Observers-Mediators relationship can be a comfortable, supportive one because both types can be steady and non-demanding, and both types want to get along and avoid conflict. Failure to get into the natural flow of giving and receiving, can lead to emotional upset and to who is dependent on whom. A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue if the Mediator responds by feeling deficient and digs in, becoming stubborn and resistive. These patterns can then lead to complaining, subtle blaming, and passive resistance. The Giver, in turn, can feel unappreciated, judged as being hedonistic and giving too much, and therefore not acknowledged by the emotionally restrained Perfectionist. The Loyal Skeptic then can feel unheard and discounted, which increases his or her doubt and mistrust.
As a result, Mediators may end up feeling inferior.
Loyal Skeptics and Mediators often harmonize through their efforts to create a predictable, supportive, and secure relationship. Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities. A cycle of escalating conflict can take place, however, when the Observer experiences the Epicure as violating personal boundaries and as wanting too much contact, sociability, variety, and energy. Perfectionists and Epicures are opposite types in many ways. In my search for a mate, I realized that I was looking for a man who was sensitive, not afraid to share feelings, on a spiritual path, and more committed to truth than comfort.